Sept 8

 I don't post things anymore, I just cannot seem to commit to this. 

However, there is something I want to write to keep it permanent somewhere, and I decided to keep it here is a great option. 

Today is Sept 8, 2020.

2 years ago on Sept 8, 2018 my father passed away and I want to write it here because I don't want to forget that day; I want to remember the events that happened around that day. 

During the summer of 2018 Erman was out of work. He had contact his network and was invited to an interview to Alabama on Sept 5 and his return for Sept 8. 

In the meantime, I am 7 months pregnant. 

My mom and dad picked up Erman to drop him to the port, as he took the seaboat to the airport. I remember my dad calling me and telling me he was amazed that Erman was travelling with such lightweight baggage. I found this strange because I know dress shoes can be heavy. I called Erman and I asked him if he took his shoes? And he had forgotten! Oops!

I don't remember the days without Erman much, as there wasn't anything going on. It was the weekday that he had left and I was working. 

Sept 8 2018 was a Saturday. Erman was arriving around 4 pm. We had just purchase a new car and hadn't gotten any gas for it. I stopped by my parents and asked if they wanted to have a short ride until I got gas. My dad was feeling a bit tired and had diarrhea the previous day. Also, my parents had cleaning that day so Kadriye abla was at our home. 

My mom and I went to get gas and then I dropped my mom home and went upstairs to see my dad. I got upset with him and told him he's always getting sick and not taking good care of himself. My dad waved at me from his window as I got in the car. 

I went to pick up Erman, and my mom insisted that I called her when I arrive to the airport as I was very pregnant. I called her and it rang for so long. She picked up the phone out of breath and told me she rushed to the phone. 

Erman arrived, and he seemed very happy and tired, but still excited. 

I remember I had to pee really badly so we decided to stop by the port for a quick lunch. 

I bumped into Filiz abla, who is Orhon amca's daughter from Kuwait. 

Erman went to the bathroom and when he was finished he said we should get going. He changed completely within a few minutes, I didn't understand what was going on. 

Erman drove to the port, but after his shift in mood I said I was driving home and just assumed he was tired from the long trip. 

As I was driving, Erman was giving me directions to go to Florence Nightingale hospital, where he kept asking me if my dad was okay and if I was sure? I saw Kaan abi, and Selim, and my in laws were there, I didn't really think anything of it. 

I asked the nurses that I wanted to see my dad. They said I couldn't. That's when I realized that he had passed, peacefully at home. 

I lost it. I couldn't believe it , I didn't want to believe it. My face, legs, hands all went numb. I couldn't stop thinking about my unborn baby, I didn't want to cry because I didn't want to harm her and cause her stress but I couldn't help it. 

We went home, and the house was full of people coming to say their condolences. It was the most difficult thing I had to handle in my entire life. 

Abi came in from NY the next day, and abla on Monday. 

Mom visit dad every single Friday, still. It's been 2 years. 

I miss you baba.